i am the pearl

March 29, 2009

as I was taking a bath tonight I noticed my pearl necklace hanging from the cabinet knob.  it is a black tahitian pearl that brian gave me last year when we were studying the book of Matthew.

“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls.  When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.”    Matt 13:45-46

it looked so pretty just hanging there by itself.  I could hardly see the fine silver chain that was holding it there and i thought…. that’s me.  I am the small irritant covered again and again and again by His grace  which at some point starts to reflect the grace given.  I am being held by a fine chain that I don’t always neccesarily see, but that I know is there and will never let me go.  He gave everything for me.  images6

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So we (Brian & I) took Dawson and Gabrielle to a waterpark on the northside of the cities.  We had Cole stay homewith Kayta.  We thought this would be a good chance to spend some quality time with just the 2 of them.  This is new to us but something I think we will try to do more of.  Who would have known there would be so much emotion in an overnight trip.

First off, I can’t even begin to explain how easy it is to get around without a wheelchair!  We hopped in the truck and drove off for the waterpark, no special equipment, medicines or other related paraphernalia.  When we got to Champps for lunch, we just whipped right in a spot.  We didn’t have to look for a spot that had ramp access room on the passenger side.  When we got inside we just said, “4…a booth would be nice” instead of, “5…and we have a wheelchair”.  Brian and I were able to eat our lunch while it was hot, without a stray hand landing in it or only being able to take a bite here and there.  When we got to the hotel, we just parked, again, and headed inside.  All this freedom in just the first 2 hours.

Now, when we got into the waterpark, Dawson and Gabrielle were so excited they hardly knew what to do.  At first, Punkin would go down the little orange slide and then run to us and hug us and go do it again.  We really thought she might just explode.  This was sheer joy to her.  Brian was able to go down the big slides with Dawson over and over and over and over.  Punkin and I would go down the little slides (she did try the big ones too), sit in the hot tub, float on the lazy river and get treats from the concession stand.  We stayed until 10:00 when they closed and were back by 9:00 the next morning.  It was very wonderful.

Finally, the feelings.  So many that I cannot list.  Highs and lows.  Ups and downs.  I do have to say it was mostly joy, really.  We were smiling an awful lot.  Still, Cole wasn’t with us and that was a little sad.  He loves water too.  It also made me have to really think about why he wasn’t there and the hurt of all that.  It isn’t like he wasn’t there just because he isn’t old enough to appreciate it.  He wasn’t there because he is disabled.  We also weren’t lugging around a baby carrier like other families that were there.  Our baby isn’t here. 

While Gabrielle and I were sitting in the hot tub, a mom came over with her little girl and 2 boys.  The mom had brown curly hair, like me, and the kids were all blondies.  I couldn’t help but look at them.  Then the dad came over with 1 more boy, both blonde, and they sat on the edge of the hot tub.  Now I can’t help but stare.  Here is what my family should look like right in front of me!  This big, strong daddy with 3 boys climbing on him and splashing him and this curly haired mom holding the little girl.  ……..   

PANG…a sudden sharp pain, physical or emotional

It was hard to turn away.  It was hard to hold it together… for a moment.  Praise God for the 2 able bodied, laughing, splashing, slipping, slidding, wiggling, giggling children that we had with us that pulled us along to the next adventure.