one trampled hyacinth

April 24, 2009

blog-007last week as we were headed off to school on a beautiful spring morning, dawson ran to tattle on gabrielle for smashing one of my flowers.  i’m instantly upset, as i had just spent the day before raking up all of the remnants of the previous fall and had been soo excited to see all that was growing and all ready blooming. 

there she was, standing on one of the rocks in the flower garden, all ready shouting that it was dawson’s idea to jump on the rocks and she couldn’t keep up with him when he made a big jump and so she landed on the flower… like i should feel bad for her because dawson was doing something that she couldn’t quite keep up with.  and, there was my newly discovered, first time blooming hyacinth stomped flat to the ground with what would have been tiny, individual, pretty, pink flowers laying in the dirt.

all emotion swelled quickly and i turned on them (dawson and punkin) quickly.  i spouted off something about how they have no respect for other peoples things and how it seems like if anything ever gets ruined around here it is always my things and how could they be so inconsiderate of something that i had been so excited about and had just showed them yesterday.

so with his backpack slung over his shoulder and her brown bear almost dragging on the path, they both headed for the van to sit in silence until i got there, with their heads hung low…very low.  i got cole on the bus and then came back to yell at them some more through the open side door of the van.  i debated about holding the tears back or letting them go and decided it would make them feel worse if i just let them go.  now i can tell they feel awful and gabrielle is crying and saying how sorry she is over and over.  i get in the van and drive to school in silence except to let them know that they had just better expect to be doing any yard-work i could come with from the moment school is done until daddy got home and then they would do whatever he could think of for them to do right up until bedtime and then go straight to bed! 

now, i do realize i am over reacting at the time i am doing this, but i can’t or don’t want to stop.  obviously, i realize, i am just one trampled hyacinth away from a breakdown. 

looking back, i know i could have handled that better.  like… ‘it’s okay sweetie. that was an accident.  it will be okay.  next time stay out of mama’s garden.  : ) ‘  and looking at the hyacinth today i realize … sometimes we get trampled and it doesn’t look good.  it is hard to imagine that it will ever be better.  but, by drawing on the strength within and persevering with help from the One who made all things, we can still grow… still be beautiful… still have that sweet aroma that lifts through the air up to our Maker…  still tell of all He has done with what others would have thrown out as ruined.  the broken leaves and missing blooms are just part of the story.

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One Response to “one trampled hyacinth”

  1. jennifer said

    so sweet jen. i giggled at the line about being one trampled hydrangea away from a meltdown because i so know that feeling. this and your note about the pearl are being tucked inside my bible.

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