loss colored glasses…

July 18, 2009

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we were out tonight, for a bit of a date.  our first stop was bachmans, a floral/home store.  we were there to look for a memorial for luke.  we had been looking for a swing or fountain or chimes or …. we don’t really know what.  anyway, they were closed so we had to go to the next stop which was gymboree to use some gymbucks.

we came to the mall on the north side, which is also where brian and I would meet twice a week, or more, to have our ultrasound on luke.  it was the first time I had been there since the day they gave me the shot to strengthen luke’s lungs and sent us over to riverside hospital right away.  it caused a flood of memories that I would rather not have.

in and out of the mall.  a quick conversation about how we want another baby but ……………..  back in the truck to head to supper.  I’m staring ahead when ‘if you want me to’ by ginny owens comes on the radio.  now I just start crying and drop my head.  this was the first song sung at luke’s service and  it is just a very moving song.  and as we are learning in our bible study, sometimes songs say the things our hearts want to cry out.

one of the things I wonder about that song coming on at that particular moment is, do I take comfort because I’ve gone down that road or should I be encouraged that if I were to go down that road again, He would be there?

the other thing I wonder is how long will I see the world through these loss colored glasses?  every place a memory, every song brings tears, everywhere I go… I realize I don’t have a baby and so many other people do.

I’m sure lots of people are seeing the world through their own loss colored glasses of some kind… divorce, suicide, fire, loss of a pet………….  how long does it last?  what do you do for relieve? 

James 4:10 says ‘Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.’  I guess that is all you or I or anyone of us can do.  go to Him.  pray to Him.  trust Him to carry us on, carry us through.

much love to you, all my friends and readers of this blog.  I truly appreciate your taking time to read my thoughts, it is an encouragement to me.  please feel free to leave comments and tell me how you are.  I’d love to know.

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