family day trip…

August 22, 2009

we went on a little family day trip today.  it was wonderful.  the weather was about as nice as it can get.  being together was fun.  and still… cole can’t climb the rocks and the baby is missing.

we went to taylors falls over on the st croix.  there is a state park called pothole park.  it is where the waterfalls used to flow.  dawson and gabrielle were free to climb all over the rocks along the river.  honestly, it is just the right size for little kids to go exploring.  they were thinking they were pretty big stuff this afternoon.  at one point dawson said, ‘don’t you think climbing is just a natural habit?’.  I’m sure we ill go back there and highly recommend that you visit too.

of course, cole was saying, ‘me too.’, which is always hard to hear.  brian and I tried to keep him entertained with other things.  it worked for the most part.  when we were hiking up the main trail on the way out, gabrielle said, ‘ I wish cole didn’t have a disability because then we could climb alot more things.’.  this cuts through my heart for a couple reasons.  I’m sure cole wishes he was not disabled too.  I want for him to be able to run around with his little brother and sister.  and then, I hate to have dawson and gabrielle not be able to go and do all the things that just can’t be done in a wheelchair.  they should be able to run and climb freely too.  plus, I hate for them to see cole as the thing that is holding them back.

and finally, even though I smiled much of the day.  I mean we laughed and chased and picniced and climbed and had ice cream and went on trials… … … all without luke.  all without our little smiling baby that everyone grins at.  no first tastes of ice cream,  no holding sticks as we push the stroller along, no hiking back pack with a baby inside and a nuk hanging off the side.  sometimes I wonder if brian notices these things like I do.  he does.  he told me tonight.  he saw all the dads with the babies in their little carriers too.

one of the hardest scenes that I am having a hard time getting out of my head tonight (hence the late night blogging) is the kids walking in a row down the different paths and trials.  you know… when the kids are walking by themselves up ahead of us.  dawson pushing cole and punkin skipping out in front… … … and brian and I bringing up the rear … …. … without luke.  there should be one more in our line up of children.

now, I’m going to sit with brian a while longer on the couch, until I am just soo tired I can’t keep my eyes open.  the alternative being go lay in bed and cry until I fall asleep.


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