the hand that rocks the cradle…

August 28, 2009

it happened tonight.  I nearly crossed the line into crazy town. 

I was at walmart getting some cheerleader shoes for punkin, then some milk.  as I was rounding the corner to the refrigerator section, I noticed a very  young girl carrying a baby.  I mean teenage young.  she was with her mom who was filling a cart with formula.  not anything to unusual.  then I saw her again a little ways further down the row and noticed she was pregnant.  for sure pregnant.  there under her ‘cheer camp T’ was a perfectly round baby belly sticking out from under where the baby she was carrying in her arms had his little legs wrapped around her.  so I’m estimating about a 9 month old baby being carried and another one due.

here’s where I start to cross the line get really close to the line.  I immediately think, ‘maybe she doesn’t want this baby that is on the way.’ … … ‘maybe she’d give it to me.’  yeah.  that is what I thought.  now as she is walking away with her mom, I start to follow at a distance.  I wonder as I’m following if maybe if we would just be close enough I might over hear her say something like, ‘I don’t know what to do…. …. I’m going to have to give this baby up for adoption.’  then I could jump in and say something about how I would love to adopt a baby.  we are a nice, stable christian family and would LOVE a baby in our house.  and then she says ‘okay.  yes!  that would be great!’

… … … … … …

now I tell myself I’m being crazy.  you can’t just walk up to someone and ask them if you can have their baby.  that’s ridiculous!  just turn around and go the other way.  I can’t.  I have to follow her down another row.  could I just ask some question in passing like, ‘when are you due?’ … I tell myself again to just leave.  it was seriously all I could do to NOT  go up to this girl and offer my adoptive services!!  I kind of scared myself.  maybe she was married and all this was planned.  maybe she just looked young.  I mean I was 21 and really pregnant and carrying another baby….  people looked at me kind of judgingly.  someone even asked me if I had done that (get pregnant again) on purpose.

{… sigh… sigh… put face and hands… shake head…breathe deep…}

I was just thinking maybe I don’t need a baby.  maybe it is time to move on.  maybe there is a different plan for my life.  for our family.  and now this happens.  I was almost the crazy woman like in ‘the hand that rocks the cradle’ !  I was almost a stalker! 


thankfully, even though I don’t know what will happen with my life… even though I don’t know  what I want to happen in my life… my Father does.  He’s got it all figured out.  He’s not surprised I followed her around.  He saw the pain. 

Isiah 65: 24  Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.

thank you for listening.  thank you for still being my friend after I tell you all of  ‘things’ that run through my head.  thank you for the encouragement.


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