mom, maybe I’ll start smoking…

September 28, 2009

this was the conversation today as we headed to the doctor for punkin’s fever … again.

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mom?  why is smoking bad?

well, it has lots of yucky chemicals in it and when you breathe it in all those chemicals stick to your lungs.  then your lungs get all black and sticky and you might not be able to breathe anymore.  you could die.

long thinking pause …. …. ….

so, maybe if someone wanted to die so that they could go to heaven and see their baby brother, they could start smoking?  maybe I could start smoking?

shock, sadness, bewilderment, amazement from me, with a long pause… … …

well, you have to be 18 to smoke.  you are not old enough.

oh.  well maybe when I am 18 I can start.

……………………

I guess some days she thinks about him more than others too.

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2 Responses to “mom, maybe I’ll start smoking…”

  1. Jo LeFlufy said

    I was just reading Me Ra’s blog and clicked on the link to yours. I read a bit. I read about Luke. 12 years ago, I lost a baby boy too (at 28 weeks – he lived for 17 minutes) and I just wanted to let you know that I totally understand what you’re going through. I lost him after eight previous miscarriages, so we thought, after passing the first trimester mark, that THIS was the one. But he died and I have never been able to get pregnant since then. Who knows why these things happen. All I know is that everything happens for a reason and all of the things that have happened to me since then still have no rhyme or reason. But I’m happy. I love my husband. I love our furry boys (dogs). I love my life and my son is still a part of it and I still feel him now and then. It gets easier and your heart heals (if you let it) and then you have this little presence of light and warmth, walking around with you, filling up your heart and reminding you to live, really LIVE your life like every day is your last. I know it will get easier for you and one day, your heart will be whole again.

  2. Brian said

    That was too funny. My little ones have said things like that. They just haven’t chosen smoking as their vehicle to heaven.

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