I don’t know how I got so sad…

December 24, 2009

it was a pretty nice day.  all this fresh snow, fairly warm temperature, snowboots.  neighbors, snacks, games.  fresh sugar cookies, homemade buttercream frosting, red hots.  and then… it was bedtime. 

gabrielle just fell to pieces.  ‘I just wish we had luke with us.’ …  ‘I just we could call him in heaven.  I’d call him everyday when I got home from school.’ …  ‘how can we have christmas when our whole family isn’t here?’ … ‘I just wish I could have my baby brother here with me.’ … ‘I don’t know how I got so sad!’ … on and on it went.  for an hour. … not the christmas eve I expected or wanted. 

 I guess that saying, ‘if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.’, is true.  I’ve been trying to maintain the status quo.  trying not to cry in front of the kids.  trying not to say sad things all the time.  I guess there is just a feeling in the air.  they pick it up too.  I’ve been able to tell with dawson also.  he’s been hugging me alot lately and telling me that he loves me. 

we’ll see how we do over the next week.   pray for peace and joy.

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