just tell me why…

February 25, 2010

on tuesday morning as I was driving towards home, after dropping off punkin, I was having a little conversation with God about ‘why’.  I’m always having these little conversations and they usually aren’t about ‘why’, but more about anything and everything.  on this day though I was feeling very down about the ‘why’… maybe it was because once again there was a very soft and beautiful snowfall going on.  so I was saying something like,  ‘why?  why would You give and take him so quickly?  I know You don’t owe me any explanation.  I know there is way more going on in this than I can even imagine… but… could You just give me something?  some reason?  one little hint at the works that might be being done through this and because of luke’s life.’ 

after I was home, I did a couple little things and then thought I better get my exercise in, and then thought no I better get my bible study done first.  (I’ve been working on ‘order’ since right after christmas)  anyway, after going through my lesson on the person of the Holy Spirit and His role in the life of a believer, I came to the last question.  it was something close to, ‘what would you like the Holy Spirit to do for you today?’.  really.  in my head, I was thinking, I was just having this conversation on the way home from kindergarten.  I want to see a glimpse of the purpose of luke’s life.  I want to know more.  I want… I want…  the list just went on and on.  I was thinking that this would have been a good essay question because I could go on all day about the things I would like to have revealed to me and the things that I could be counseled on. 

anyway, I finished that up, did my exercise, came to the computer to look for a friends’ blog thru my own blog.  (I can see where people come from or if they have a blog through my ‘account’ page.)  when I pulled up the screen, my blog had seriously spiked!  hundreds of hits.  hundreds!  know I know that might sound small, but it was a lot more than my usual following.  the odd part was, that there was no real reason for the spike.  going back now, I can see some of why it was such a big post. (my little big man)  it was because there were people who were hooking my blog to theirs or referring to my blog thru twitter and such.  I was kind of wierded out by it.  I was just staring at it and thinking what in the world is going on? … ??? … ??? …  and then I was reminded of what I had been talking about all morning.  ‘why’.  could it really be that somehow through all of this pouring out of emotion that I do, all of this honesty of fear and failing and not doing good enough, but trying and wanting to be better, all of the ‘realness’ of my struggle for joy… that others may be encouraged?  could this be a tiny part of my ‘why’?  now, I know  that there are people who have been encouraged.  they send me emails or comments.  most of them I don’t know.  but really?  could it be?  of course there is the logical side of brain telling me that it is all coincidental, nothing to be excited about.  but I want to think that I asked and I received.  I was pleading, ‘just tell me why.’  and He answered.

For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.  Luke 11:10

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One Response to “just tell me why…”

  1. Noel said

    You have a voice through your blog. I tweeted your blog about giving Dawson responsibility for locking up. It is such a good idea for helping him move from little boy to man.

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