can you even believe those perfect toes?!?!  I’m still amazed at how perfectly formed he was.

anyway, a little more about luke.  born at 30 weeks, luke lived a brief 80 minutes here on this earth.  he was then quickly ushered into what no eye has seen or no ear has heard… Heaven.  although we had him for such a short time, we had a lifetime full of emotion with him.  we had joy  in knowing that we should be so blessed as to have 1 more.  we had sorrow  in knowing that he ‘probably wouldn’t make it’ to thanksgiving.  we had anxiety  in never knowing if we’d see his heart beating at the every other day ultrasounds.  we had pride  in knowing that he was a fighter.  we had fear.  we had worry.  we had relieve.  we had heartbreak.  we had confusion.  we had suffering.  we had love.

we had joy.

I still walk paths of grief over losing him… my 4th little monkey of our brood.  I still have a uncomprehendable ache in my arms to hold him.  but I have found through this suffering a peace that is beyond understanding.  I have experienced a deep love from fellow believers who come alongside me.  and even though I would say I had a pretty good eternity mindset, I now have a very solid one.  I’m just killing time until I get to the other side… that makes a lot of things in this world not really matter.  like material possessions, false relationships, my hair, my weight, my house, my car, my job, the dishes, the laundry… the list goes on.  I could let any of it go.  of course, after having to say, ‘let him go.‘ about my very own child… what could I possibly want to hold on to? 

God has taught me so much… and I continue to learn.

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