polar opposites

February 3, 2009

once again i find myself at both ends of emotion. 

while we were at church sunday, we sang a song about dancing in heaven.  i was overwhelmed.  i could easliy, clearly see myself dancing with my big strong son…luke.  laughing, twirling, absolutely filled with joy.  the world melted away for those 3 minutes or so.  i opened my eyes, wiped the tears of joy away and had peace for a bit.

while i was at the doctor today, the nurse asked if i was ‘nursing’ the baby.  i was overwhelmed.  i stared at her blankly as my temperature rose and hot tears ran down my face.  anger, desperation, absolute hurt.  my world came crashing down on me.  i closed my eyes, wiped the tears of anguish away and just hurt for a bit.

and this is how it goes.  one moment to the next.  never knowing when or where or who or how, things will make me feel. sheer joy, utter despair……   always hope.