me

i am married to the most incredible man, brian.  no really… he is the best.  we have 4 kids.  cole is our oldest at 11.  dawson is our middlest at 9.  gabrielle (punkin) is our littlest at 5.  and luke, our baby, is in heaven.

i am 31, soon to be 32. (feb. 21)  i don’t care very  much about age.  i often forget how old i am anyway.

i love doing things.  all kinds of things.  anything.  i’d like to have tried everything at some point.  i don’t know if i’m brave enough though… i mean would i really ‘run with the bulls’ ?  probably not.  but i’d love to go and see it and be right up close… maybe even see someone else get thrown into the crowd. ; )  right now, i’d like to learn the guitar that brian got me almost 3 years ago and work on my photography skills.  i’d like to get dancing in there somewhere too… not sure where that fits.

i love Jesus.  love HIM!  He has carried me more than i’ve walked on my own… have i ever really walked on my own?  i don’t know.

……………………………………………………………………

if you ran into me during the day or evening for that matter, you wouldn’t necessarily know anything was going on in my life.  as I assume it is with most people.  I am not walking around crying or with my head down or telling everyone who will give me a minute how awful my life has been.  it is when I am in the safety of my own home, when I have a moment to ‘vent’ … that is what you see, that is what you get to hear.

if you are a friend of mine or someone who knows me well, I think you all ready know this and would agree.  but on the off chance that you might not know me that well, I just felt I should tell you that.

there is a song by twila paris that describes what I am trying to say.  it is called ‘the warrior is a child’ …

 ‘people say that I’m amazing, strong beyond my years, but they don’t see inside of me, I’m hiding all my tears. …. they don’t know that I go running home when I fall down, they don’t know who picks me up when no one is around…’

I loved this song when my only battle was that of having a disabled child.  now that the battle includes the loss of an infant child, it means even more.

so thanks for listening.  thanks for being my out.  thanks for knowing I’m not a whiner.

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3 Responses to “me”

  1. Megan said

    Hello, I have not seen you in years but we went to school together. One of our fellow alums forwarded me your link and I read through it all immediately. You really have a lovely family. My heart aches for your recent loss, and I wanted to let you know that I’m praying for you. I don’t know what else I can do since we are geographically VERY far away, but your blog has really touched me and I wanted to let you know.

    Megan

  2. Stacey said

    Hi, I do not know you at all, but I saw your recent nomination for the “Running on Empty” spot in Me Rah Koh’s workshop. I clicked on your link and started reading through your blog. I have been sitting here for the last two hours crying my eyes out and feeling so inspired by your strength, devotion, and courage. You are an amazing person. I hope that you were able to go to the workshop, I hope that your daughter’s fever is gone, and I hope that each and every day gets easier and easier for you. God Bless you and your family.

  3. Jennifer,
    I’m so sorry, . . . I didn’t know about Luke. Tell me about him and what happened.

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